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Comedian
Comedian
George Carlin quote: “Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t…”
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Comedian
W. C. Fields quote: “Don’t worry about your heart, it will…”
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Comedian
Mitch Hedberg quote: “Do you think I am standing here…”
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Comedian
Steven Wright quote: “Do you think that when they asked…”
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Animal & pet quotes
Mitch Hedberg quote: “Dogs are forever in the push up…”
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Comedian
Steven Wright quote: “Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?…”
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Comedian
Steven Wright quote: “Cross country skiing is great if you…”
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Comedian
Steven Wright quote: “Curiosity killed the cat, but for a…”
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Comedian
George Carlin quote: “Death is caused by swallowing small amounts…”
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Comedian
Fred Allen quote: “Committee — a group of men who…”
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Comedian
W. C. Fields quote: “Children should neither be seen or heard…”
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Comedian
Phyllis Diller quote: “Cleaning your house while your kids are…”
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Comedian
Fred Allen quote: “California is a fine place to live…”
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Comedian
Fred Allen quote: “California is a great place to live…”
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Comedian
Phyllis Diller quote: “Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I…”
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Comedian
George Carlin quote: “By and large, language is a tool…”
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Comedian
Phyllis Diller quote: “Best way to get rid of kitchen…”
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Bob Hope
Bob Hope quote: “Bigamy is the only crime where two…”
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Comedian
Mitch Hedberg quote: “Bologna is a deli meat for people…”
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Comedian
Steven Wright quote: “Babies don’t need a vacation, but I…”
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Celebrity quotes
Mel Brooks quote: “Bad taste is simply saying the truth…”
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Comedian
George Carlin quote: “At a formal dinner party, the person…”
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Comedian
Steven Wright quote: “At one point he decided enough was…”
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Comedian
George Carlin quote: “Atheism is a non-prophet organization…”
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Celebrity quotes
Mel Brooks quote: “As long as the world is turning…”
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Comedian
Phyllis Diller quote: “Any time three New Yorkers get into…”
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Celebrity quotes
Mel Brooks quote: “Anybody can direct, but there are only…”
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Animal & pet quotes
W. C. Fields quote: “Anyone who hates children and animals can’t…”
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Comedian
Mitch Hedberg quote: “An escalator can never break: it can…”
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Comedian
Fred Allen quote: “An income tax form is like a…”
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