Comedian

Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “Don’t worry about your heart, it will…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “Don’t you hate when your hand falls…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “Do you think that when they asked…”

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Animal & pet quotes

Mitch Hedberg quote: “Dogs are forever in the push up…”

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Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “Do you think I am standing here…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “Cross country skiing is great if you…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “Curiosity killed the cat, but for a…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “Death is caused by swallowing small amounts…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “Committee — a group of men who…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “Children should neither be seen or heard…”

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Comedian

Phyllis Diller quote: “Cleaning your house while your kids are…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “California is a fine place to live…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “California is a great place to live…”

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Comedian

Phyllis Diller quote: “Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “By and large, language is a tool…”

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Comedian

Phyllis Diller quote: “Best way to get rid of kitchen…”

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Bob Hope

Bob Hope quote: “Bigamy is the only crime where two…”

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Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “Bologna is a deli meat for people…”

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Celebrity quotes

Mel Brooks quote: “Bad taste is simply saying the truth…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “Babies don’t need a vacation, but I…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “At a formal dinner party, the person…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “At one point he decided enough was…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “Atheism is a non-prophet organization…”

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Celebrity quotes

Mel Brooks quote: “As long as the world is turning…”

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Comedian

Phyllis Diller quote: “Any time three New Yorkers get into…”

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Celebrity quotes

Mel Brooks quote: “Anybody can direct, but there are only…”

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Animal & pet quotes

W. C. Fields quote: “Anyone who hates children and animals can’t…”

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Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “An escalator can never break: it can…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “An income tax form is like a…”

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