Comedian

Comedian

Phyllis Diller quote: “There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “There’s no present. There’s only the immediate…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “There was a power outage at a…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “There’s a fine line between fishing and…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “There are only two real ways to…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “There comes a time in the affairs…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “There are nights when the wolves are…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “The world is getting to be such…”

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Comedian

Elayne Boosler quote: “The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good…”

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Animal & pet quotes

Bob Hope quote: “The trees in Siberia are miles apart…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “The status quo sucks…”

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Comedian

Phyllis Diller quote: “The real reason your pro tells you…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “The reason I talk to myself is…”

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Comedian

Phyllis Diller quote: “The reason women don’t play football is…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “The other day I… uh, no, that…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “The other night I ate at a…”

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Bob Hope

Bob Hope quote: “The only thing chicken about Israel is…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “The main reason Santa is so jolly…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “The laziest man I ever met put…”

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Bob Hope

Bob Hope quote: “The good news is that Jesus is…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “The clever cat eats cheese and breathes…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “The cost of living has gone up…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “The best cure for insomnia is to…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “Standing ovations have become far too commonplace…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “Start every day off with a smile…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “Sponges grow in the ocean. That just…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “Some weasel took the cork out of…”

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Comedian

Eddie Cantor quote: “Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “So, do you live around here often?…”

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