Comedian

Comedian

George Carlin quote: “In comic strips, the person on the…”

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Celebrity quotes

Ellen DeGeneres quote: “In the beginning there was nothing. God…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “I’m not concerned about all hell breaking…”

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Celebrity quotes

Ellen DeGeneres quote: “I’m on the patch right now. Where…”

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Al Yankovic

Al Yankovic quote: “I’m still a geek on the inside…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “I’m always relieved when someone is delivering…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “I’m completely in favor of the separation…”

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Comedian

Phyllis Diller quote: “I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “I’m free of all prejudices. I hate…”

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Comedian

Elayne Boosler quote: “I’m just a person trapped inside a…”

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Bob Hope

Bob Hope quote: “If you watch a game, it’s fun…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “If you were going to shoot a…”

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Celebrity quotes

Mel Brooks quote: “If you’re quiet, you’re not living. You’ve…”

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Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “I’m a heroine addict. I need to…”

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Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “I’m against picketing, but I don’t know…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “If you tell a joke in the…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “If you saw a heat wave, would…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “If you shoot at mimes, should you…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “If you are in a spaceship that…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “If you can’t beat them, arrange to…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “If you can’t hear me, it’s because…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “If you had a million Shakespeares, could…”

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Bob Hope

Bob Hope quote: “If you haven’t got any charity in…”

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Celebrity quotes

Mel Brooks quote: “If presidents can’t do it to their…”

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Comedian

Mel Brooks quote: “If Shaw and Einstein couldn’t beat death…”

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Comedian

Lewis Black quote: “If the people of New Zealand want…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “If there’s a will, prosperity can’t be…”

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