Comedian

Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “I never drink water. I’m afraid it…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “I never drink water; that is the…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I met this wonderful girl at Macy’s…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “I must have a drink of breakfast…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “I like refried beans. That’s why I…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “I like to hold the microphone cord…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “I like to keep a bottle of…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “I like to play blackjack. I’m not…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I like to reminisce with people I…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I live on a one-way street that’s…”

See more ⋙

Funny quotes

Mitch Hedberg quote: “I love blackjack. But I’m not addicted…”

See more ⋙

Money quotes

Bob Hope quote: “I love to go to Washington —…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I invented the cordless extension cord…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “I know a lot about cars, man…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “I learned law so well, the day…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “I like children – fried…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “I like long walks, especially when they…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I installed a skylight in my apartment…..”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I intend to live forever. So far…”

See more ⋙

Bob Hope

Bob Hope quote: “I have seen what a laugh can…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Elayne Boosler quote: “I have six locks on my door…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I have the world’s largest collection of…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “I haven’t slept for ten days, because…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I hooked up my accelerator pedal in…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I had to stop driving my car…”

See more ⋙

Bob Hope

Bob Hope quote: “I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I have an answering machine in my…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I have an existential map. It has…”

See more ⋙

Comedian

George Carlin quote: “I have as much authority as the…”

See more ⋙