Funny quotes

Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “When I was a little kid we…”

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Funny quotes

Steven Wright quote: “What’s another word for thesaurus?”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “What a nice night for an evening…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “What does it mean to pre-board? Do…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “Well, if crime fighters fight crime and…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “Weather forecast for tonight: dark…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “There’s no present. There’s only the immediate…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “There was a power outage at a…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “There’s a fine line between fishing and…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “There are nights when the wolves are…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “The status quo sucks…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “The reason I talk to myself is…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “The other day I… uh, no, that…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “The other night I ate at a…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “The main reason Santa is so jolly…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “Standing ovations have become far too commonplace…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “Sponges grow in the ocean. That just…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “So, do you live around here often?…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “Right now I’m having, amnesia and…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “People who say they don’t care what…”

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Comedian

Ellen DeGeneres quote: “People always ask me, ‘Were you funny…”

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Don Marquis

Don Marquis quote: “Ours is a world where people don’t know…”

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Funny quotes

George Carlin quote: “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “On the other hand, you have different…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “Not only do I not know what’s…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “My neighbor has a circular driveway…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “My roommate got a pet elephant. Then…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “My theory of evolution is that Darwin…”

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Funny quotes

Steven Wright quote: “My friend has a baby. I’m recording…”

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