Funny quotes

Comedian

George Carlin quote: “By and large, language is a tool…”

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Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “Bologna is a deli meat for people…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “Babies don’t need a vacation, but I…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “At a formal dinner party, the person…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “At one point he decided enough was…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “Atheism is a non-prophet organization…”

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Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “An escalator can never break: it can…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “An income tax form is like a…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “An actor’s popularity is fleeting. His success…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “An associate producer is the only guy…”

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Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “All these jokes have been pre-approved as…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “All I know about humor is that…”

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Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “A waffle is like a pancake with…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “A telescope will magnify a star a…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “A lot of people are afraid of…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “A gentleman is any man who wouldn’t…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “A committee is a group of people…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “A committee is a group of the…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “A conference is a gathering of people…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “A celebrity is a person who works…”

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Funny quotes

Charlie Chaplin quote: “Words are cheap. The biggest thing you…”

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Funny quotes

Joseph Heller quote: “We do have a zeal for laughter…”

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Comedian

Lenny Bruce quote: “I hate small towns, because…”

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Food & drink quotes

Orville Redenbacher quote: “Every once in a while, someone will…”

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Comedian

Eric Morecambe quote: “I’m playing all the right notes, but…”

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Comedian

Eric Morecambe quote: “My neighbor asked if he could use…”

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Animal & pet quotes

Josh Billings quote: “A dog is the only thing on…”

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Animal & pet quotes

Robin Williams quote: “Male cats have an amazing thing, kinda…”

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Character quotes

Georg C. Lichtenberg quote: “He who is in love with himself…”

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