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Funny quotes
Comedian
George Carlin quote: “By and large, language is a tool…”
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Comedian
Mitch Hedberg quote: “Bologna is a deli meat for people…”
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Comedian
Steven Wright quote: “Babies don’t need a vacation, but I…”
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Comedian
George Carlin quote: “At a formal dinner party, the person…”
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Comedian
Steven Wright quote: “At one point he decided enough was…”
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Comedian
George Carlin quote: “Atheism is a non-prophet organization…”
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Comedian
Fred Allen quote: “An income tax form is like a…”
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Comedian
Mitch Hedberg quote: “An escalator can never break: it can…”
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Comedian
Fred Allen quote: “An actor’s popularity is fleeting. His success…”
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Comedian
Fred Allen quote: “An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion…”
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Comedian
Fred Allen quote: “An associate producer is the only guy…”
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Comedian
Mitch Hedberg quote: “All these jokes have been pre-approved as…”
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Comedian
Fred Allen quote: “All I know about humor is that…”
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Comedian
Mitch Hedberg quote: “A waffle is like a pancake with…”
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Comedian
Fred Allen quote: “A telescope will magnify a star a…”
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Comedian
Steven Wright quote: “A lot of people are afraid of…”
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Comedian
Fred Allen quote: “A gentleman is any man who wouldn’t…”
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Comedian
Fred Allen quote: “A committee is a group of people…”
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Comedian
Fred Allen quote: “A committee is a group of the…”
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Comedian
Fred Allen quote: “A conference is a gathering of people…”
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Comedian
Fred Allen quote: “A celebrity is a person who works…”
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Funny quotes
Charlie Chaplin quote: “Words are cheap. The biggest thing you…”
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Funny quotes
Joseph Heller quote: “We do have a zeal for laughter…”
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Comedian
Lenny Bruce quote: “I hate small towns, because…”
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Food & drink quotes
Orville Redenbacher quote: “Every once in a while, someone will…”
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Comedian
Eric Morecambe quote: “I’m playing all the right notes, but…”
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Comedian
Eric Morecambe quote: “My neighbor asked if he could use…”
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Animal & pet quotes
Josh Billings quote: “A dog is the only thing on…”
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Animal & pet quotes
Robin Williams quote: “Male cats have an amazing thing, kinda…”
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Character quotes
Georg C. Lichtenberg quote: “He who is in love with himself…”
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More quotables
John Fogerty quote: “I’m like a twenty-two-year-old kid in a…”
Max Frisch quote: “My greatest fear: repetition…”
Groucho Marx quote: “Humor is reason gone mad…”
Bette Davis quote: “This has always been a motto of…”
Alan Bean quote: “It’s hard not to be excited when…”
Wilson Mizner quote: “To my embarrassment I was born in…”