20th century

Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “If you can’t hear me, it’s because…”

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Anton Chekhov

Anton Chekhov quote: “If you cry ‘forward’, you must without…”

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Gilbert K. Chesterton

Gilbert K. Chesterton quote: “If you do not understand a man…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “If you had a million Shakespeares, could…”

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Christian quotes

Norman Vincent Peale quote: “If you have zest and enthusiasm you…”

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Bob Hope

Bob Hope quote: “If you haven’t got any charity in…”

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Comedian

Mel Brooks quote: “If Shaw and Einstein couldn’t beat death…”

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Comedian

Lewis Black quote: “If the people of New Zealand want…”

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Karl Kraus

Karl Kraus quote: “If the reporter has killed our imagination…”

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Government quotes

Woodrow Wilson quote: “If there are men in this country…”

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Business quotes

Henry Ford quote: “If there is any one secret of…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “If there’s a will, prosperity can’t be…”

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Anton Chekhov

Anton Chekhov quote: “If you are afraid of loneliness, do…”

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Celebrity quotes

Mel Brooks quote: “If presidents can’t do it to their…”

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Gilbert K. Chesterton

Gilbert K. Chesterton quote: “If I had only one sermon to…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “If I had to live my life…”

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Miguel de Unamuno

Miguel de Unamuno quote: “If it is nothingness that awaits us…”

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Comedian

Phyllis Diller quote: “If it weren’t for baseball, many kids…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “If it’s a penny for your thoughts…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “If it’s true that our species is…”

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Business quotes

Henry Ford quote: “If money is your hope for independence…”

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Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “If my kid couldn’t draw I’d make…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all…”

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Celebrity quotes

Whoopi Goldberg quote: “If every American donated five hours a…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “If God dropped acid, would he see…”

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Celebrity quotes

Mel Brooks quote: “If God wanted us to fly, He…”

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Gilbert K. Chesterton

Gilbert K. Chesterton quote: “If I can put one touch of…”

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Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “If I had nine of my fingers…”

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Miguel de Unamuno

Miguel de Unamuno quote: “If a person never contradicts himself, it…”

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Gilbert K. Chesterton

Gilbert K. Chesterton quote: “If a thing is worth doing, it…”

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