Comedian

Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “My theory of evolution is that Darwin…”

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Comedian

Elayne Boosler quote: “My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness…”

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Comedian

Phyllis Diller quote: “My cooking is so bad my kids…”

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Funny quotes

Steven Wright quote: “My friend has a baby. I’m recording…”

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Comedian

Ellen DeGeneres quote: “My grandmother started walking five miles a…”

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Comedian

Phyllis Diller quote: “Most children threaten at times to run…”

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Work quotes

George Carlin quote: “Most people work just hard enough…”

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Comedian

Eddie Cantor quote: “Marriage is an attempt to solve problems…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “May the forces of evil become confused…”

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Celebrity quotes

Mel Brooks quote: “Look, I don’t want to wax philosophic…”

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Celebrity quotes

Mel Brooks quote: “Life literally abounds in comedy if you…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “Last night I stayed up late playing…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “Last year I went fishing with Salvador…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “Just cause you got the monkey off…”

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Celebrity quotes

Ellen DeGeneres quote: “Just go up to somebody on the…”

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Bob Hope

Bob Hope quote: “Kids are wonderful, but I like mine…”

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Bob Hope

Bob Hope quote: “I’ve always been in the right place…”

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Comedian

Phyllis Diller quote: “I’ve been asked to say a couple…”

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Comedian

Elayne Boosler quote: “I’ve never been married, but I tell…”

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Beauty & fashion quotes

Phyllis Diller quote: “It’s a good thing that beauty is…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “It was a woman who drove me…”

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Comedian

Eddie Cantor quote: “It takes 20 years to make an…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “It doesn’t matter what temperature the room…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “Is it weird in here, or is…”

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Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “It ain’t what they call you, it’s…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “In Vegas, I got into a long…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “Inside every cynical person, there is a…”

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