Funny quotes

Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “Her hat is a creation that will…”

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Steven Wright quote: “Hermits have no peer pressure…”

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Fred Allen quote: “Hollywood is a place where people from…”

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George Carlin quote: “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving…”

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Fred Allen quote: “Hanging is too good for a man…”

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Steven Wright quote: “George is a radio announcer, and when…”

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George Carlin quote: “Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you…”

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Funny quotes

Steven Wright quote: “For my birthday I got a humidifier…”

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Mitch Hedberg quote: “Fettuccini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for…”

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George Carlin quote: “Fighting for peace is like screwing for…”

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Steven Wright quote: “Everywhere is within walking distance if you…”

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Mitch Hedberg quote: “Every time I go and shave, I…”

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Mitch Hedberg quote: “Every book is a children’s book if…”

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Steven Wright quote: “Ever notice how irons have a setting…”

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Fred Allen quote: “Ed Sullivan will be around as long…”

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George Carlin quote: “Electricity is really just organized lightning…”

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Fred Allen quote: “During the Samuel Johnson days they had…”

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George Carlin quote: “Dusting is a good example of the…”

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George Carlin quote: “Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t…”

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Steven Wright quote: “Don’t you hate when your hand falls…”

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Mitch Hedberg quote: “Do you think I am standing here…”

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Steven Wright quote: “Do you think that when they asked…”

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Animal & pet quotes

Mitch Hedberg quote: “Dogs are forever in the push up…”

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Steven Wright quote: “Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?…”

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Steven Wright quote: “Curiosity killed the cat, but for a…”

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George Carlin quote: “Death is caused by swallowing small amounts…”

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Steven Wright quote: “Cross country skiing is great if you…”

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Fred Allen quote: “Committee — a group of men who…”

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Fred Allen quote: “California is a fine place to live…”

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Comedian

Fred Allen quote: “California is a great place to live…”

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