american

Comedian

W. C. Fields quote: “If at first you don’t succeed…”

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Celebrity quotes

Whoopi Goldberg quote: “If every American donated five hours a…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “If God dropped acid, would he see…”

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Celebrity quotes

Mel Brooks quote: “If God wanted us to fly, He…”

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Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “If I had nine of my fingers…”

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Quotes from presidents

Woodrow Wilson quote: “I would rather lose in a cause…”

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Funny quotes

Don Marquis quote: “I would rather start a family than…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I wrote a few children’s books… not…”

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Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “I’d like to get four people who…”

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Author quotes

Emily Post quote: “Ideal conversation must be an exchange of…”

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Business quotes

Don Marquis quote: “Ideas pull the trigger, but instinct loads…”

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Animal & pet quotes

Woodrow Wilson quote: “If a dog will not come to…”

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Government quotes

Woodrow Wilson quote: “I would rather belong to a poor…”

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Author quotes

Zane Grey quote: “I will see this game of life…”

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Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “I wish my name was Brian, because…”

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Vera Wang

Vera Wang quote: “I work with structure, but I go…”

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Octavia Butler

Octavia Butler quote: “I would never have been a good…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “I would never want to be a…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I went down the street to the…”

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Comedian

George Carlin quote: “I went to a bookstore and asked…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I went to a general store. They…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I went to a restaurant that serves…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I went to the bank and asked…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I went to the museum where they…”

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Berke Breathed

Berke Breathed quote: “I will go to my grave in…”

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Quotes from presidents

Woodrow Wilson quote: “I will not speak with disrespect of…”

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Octavia Butler

Octavia Butler quote: “I wasn’t trying to work out my…”

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Comedian

Steven Wright quote: “I watched the Indy 500, and I…”

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Comedian

Mitch Hedberg quote: “I wear a necklace, cause I wanna…”

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Celebrity quotes

Ellen DeGeneres quote: “I was coming home from kindergarten…”

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